Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
