oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
