I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
