I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
