I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
