I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
