...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
