More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
