Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
