either way he was missing a nipple.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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