walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize