His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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