Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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