I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
