omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
