am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
