I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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