yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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