Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
