im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
