I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
