Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
