Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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