I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't notice because vodka
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
