Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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