alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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