Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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