I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
