No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
