Sponge bath it is.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize