TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The air was thick with penises
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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