were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
