McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
