We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
