Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
These tits shall not be calmed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
