The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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