I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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