Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
