HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
