you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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