Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
