And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
