Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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