Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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