She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
FUCK WHALES
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
