Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
