girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
