Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
