this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
