I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
