my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
