Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
