Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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