so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
